Archive for ‘Chronicle’

October 22, 2014

7even

Was a little busy this morning, but I got to test out the theory of doing nine hours with zero waste today.  I had seven hours to test and I timed it without a minute wasted with any sort of distractions. No achievement to speak of though! Still learning my way around the process of critical writing … Need to learn and fast.  Tomorrow I will have a full nine hours and the timer will stop with any distraction – including my call with my supervisor (on Skype – I’m still in Kuwait).

October 19, 2014

Lockdown

Like it or not, the content of the annual report is mostly a true reflection of the status.  Yes… some was out of context, but frankly it has been 30 months and I have only done a year’s work at best.  I’m moving to the UK (I am so blessed I have a wife and family who support me – and not just in words) and will be there until I get this situation under control.  I will stay until I hand in my confirmation report which has been set to me as a make-or-break target.  Not going to be easy nor fun – but I’m remembering now it was never meant to be all fun – some pain is always necessary for anything worth having.

October 17, 2014

Breakdown?

It’s probably an unnecessary title but September ended up being slow after a whole month off in August.  I am paying the price in October.  Just when I’m starting to find my rhythm and the hours in the day, just as I restart communication with my supervisors in a face-to-face meeting on my way to the States.  Unfortunately after the first Skype call since July and after talking to my wife about spending daily sessions of uninterrupted six-hour slots, I receive my annual report.  Unsatisfactory again but very petty indeed.  I agree with its content overall, and with the new set objective – but it’s a punch below the belt considering only last week I was sitting in the same room explaining everything and putting it all into context.  Yes it has been 30 months… but with the extensive travel in job-one, switching to part time, and the demanding and somewhat draining job-two, coupled with health problems mid 2013 and a house build project earlier this year, I’ve actually only had a year or so on this research.  It annoys me on many levels and demotivates me (so to speak).   It also gives me the impression we have a serious breakdown of communication.

August 15, 2014

Student on Holiday

It’s been refreshing having time to catch up with my wife and kids. We even managed to spend a week in Paris and am now writing these words having had three meetings on Skype with my advisor. I sent an unfinished chapter on Motivation that we will no doubt return to one day. I’ve started the next chapter (headings and chapter plan only for now) and we’re talking about sample size and questionnaires which is great news. Not sure how the next few weeks will be – but I finally feel focussed on the research and am thinking about it from different angles. I’m also ensuring my days are spent as a student and evenings are family-and-me time. Hobbies such as photography and cycling have made a come-back too! Being a student and on holiday is a fun place to be: an important reminder to all those young people who wish their lives away wanting to rush to a working life after graduation.

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July 15, 2014

Enough ‘Motivation’

Very much aware of the irony, but I need to move on from my chapter on Motivation and start my next chapter. In fact, if I’m going to go back to work later this year (I can’t remain a full-time student for long in case that’s not yet clear) I have to start thinking about my methodology too. I will send whatever I’ve done on the chapter to my advisor and hope we can call it a day on this for now. I hope to start my next chapter – on performance management – and to resume my Skype calls to talk about the next stage.

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June 29, 2014

Back on Track

No more commutes, meetings, issues to deal with and strategy. Work on the house is completed apart from odd jobs here and there. My family are in London for the summer and I have a functioning study in the house. Coffee is my only excuse (fasting during the day during Ramadan) and even that is available during the evening. It’s time to drag this research back on track.

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May 7, 2014

Resigned (again)

Decision time after my meeting with my supervisor and whilst not an easy decision it was a simple one to make. I said it many times and meant it, nothing should get in the way of this PhD and work – whether I liked it or not – had taken more time and energy than I had expected. Any other time in my life and this job would have been a great career to continue probably until retirement. The difficult period of setting up the teams and creating a positive environment was all done. It was time to look forward to the fruit but I will not be there for the harvest.

It’s just as well! Because although I was under the impression I was building something special, it looks like some members of management had other intentions. This would have been a battle I would have enjoyed winning but I have a more important battle of my own and I’ve never been clearer where to put my focus.

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April 24, 2014

Homework

In case I felt I wasn’t distracted enough with life, this is how our home looks like today.  We are confined to one room and a dining table for a kitchen.  The plan was to study at my office at work but that’s about to change too (yes another post I think – just waiting for things to settle).  Must find time.  Must make time.

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April 13, 2014

Unsatisfactory

Yes, it’s April.  No, I haven’t submitted anything to my supervisors for review.  I met my main supervisor last week who was very concerned.  I managed to reassure him but I will need to meet some serious milestones to show (in action not just words) that I am serious.  It is shocking how long I have taken on this chapter.  I reached 16k and tidied up the content to produce a cleaner 14k version in February.  Since then, very little has happened.  There are obvious gaps, and I’m hopeful that by the end of this month I will have something decent to call a draft.  The time I need for my research is just not there.  With all the pressure I put on my time outside work, I am still only able to produce an hour or so a day and a Saturday.  This is only possible with disappointed kids, family, friends: often all on the same day.

I am at a cross-road (yes another one) and it looks like a difficult decision has to be made – or has been made.  I feel the theoretical side of the research is something I can finally get my head around.  The practical side was always clearer.  To give up and let this slip out of my hands at this stage, and after some significant investments would be ludicrous.

 

February 25, 2014

‘More than a little disappointing’

This is what my supervisor said when I sent him an honest update of my delay – yet again – in getting some serious writing done. I’m so behind, I only found time today to update this blog.  January was hectic at work and, with the end-of-year appraisals for my team and bank-wide, it flew like superman shooting to the moon.  The truth is: there is time.  There is always time.  It’s focus and, ironically, motivation, that are lacking.  Moving the PhD office to work… didn’t work like I had planned.  Interruptions I expected, but deliberately finding a distraction is something I simply need to stop.  Even outside the office, I spend way too much time on social media.  The latter I’m not sure I want to stop – it provides sanity and contact that I enjoy.

I need to change the perception of my supervisor who was not reassured – despite my nice emails.  His most recent reply included not only the title of this post, but also a line that said he found my progress ‘unsatisfactory’.  I promised a chapter by the end of February (25th today and I’m just over the halfway mark); and another smaller chapter by the end of March.